#7 The Inner Battle

       Recently Taylor and I were talking about a book that he was reading.  There was a story he shared from the book that I thought was pretty interesting.  A man desired to learn about meditation and connecting with the divine. He sought the help of a Yogi and began learning about meditation. The man asked if to connect with the divine if he would have to stop some of the habits that he had acquired, such as drinking and smoking and having relations he was currently having.  The yogi responded that he would not have to get rid of any habit, but could not guarantee that the man’s desire for these things would not change in the process.

         I’ve been thinking a lot about the battle that we all face.  Each of us has a list of things that we would like to conquer.  We have ways we want to be better or to react better in certain situations.  My 8 year old, Bensen, has a heart that wants to be so good.  Every night while tucking Ben in to bed he states how “tomorrow, I’m going to be good all day!”.  The next day comes and it seems there is always something that doesn’t go just right and his goal of “being good” is washed away.  It’s discouraging for him and it’s sad to see the battle and inner struggle he faces as he consistently attempts this feet. 

One of the battles in this life is to get rid of the checklist and expectations we place on ourselves and simply turn to God.  Face Him with all of our inadequacies and imperfection and come to Him  By turning to Him we feel ourselves change from within.  All the sudden the outward daily battles we face become easier because inwardly we are different.  The temptation to do certain things goes away, the unconditional love that we seek to have towards others is placed within our hearts because of God. A couple of months ago I had a dream where I spent a day with the Savior, the dream seemed as if it lasted all night, and was full of a love that I can’t describe.  I have been very loved in my life, but the pure love (the best word I can find for it) that I experienced with Him was far beyond anything earthly.  I’m not going to share the whole dream, but there was something I felt I needed to share.  We were walking along side a dirt path that wound around a mountain.  There were probable 7or 8 other people there with us, but in my eyes it was Him and I.  We talked all day as we walked.  It was the most comfortable, beautiful experience.  There was a point in the dream that I realized that every single person there was feeling as I was.  They were each having an intimate and sweet experience with our Savior. I understood perfectly that He loved and knew and was interacting with each one of us individually. The dream continued and then I was woken up. I quickly closed my eyes and tried to go back to that place.  I prayed to the Lord that we could continue, that the dream could go on. Clearly I heard the words “Go write it down”. In my stubbornness I plead that I could go back, that I could write it down later. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried so hard to go back.  That is not what the Lord wanted and I thanked Him for the experience and went and wrote down all that I could.  The Lord changes our hearts.  He knows each one of us and will teach us how to be like Him. In this way we can be complete and whole.  Life becomes less tiring and more fulfilling.  Our journey to Him becomes completely possible and lovely.   We don’t have to talk ourselves into being good or loving someone, there’s no convincing going on in our own minds to do or not do certain things, we simply become inwardly different and it manifests itself outwardly, and we become one with Christ and one with God. Through this process we truly come to know Our Lord and become one with Him. I pray that we each can have this journey with Him.

Love, Marie

John 17:3 “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent.”