#5 Casting Stones

In June of 2012 our sweet little Fisher was born.  He was born via c-section and the surgery went great.  My mom was in town to help us transition with our sweet new baby, and we were really grateful.  The day after I got home from the hospital my 3-year-old, Bensen, fell from a window in our home and landed on his head.  He was life flighted to a nearby hospital where they did a CAT scan and found a large artery which had burst in his brain, they immediately performed surgery.  It was terrifying.  We had lost a 1 week old baby 3 years before, and we had a keen sense of how fragile life can be.  I pled with all my heart to God.  I cried out to Him and asked that we could keep our sweet little guy.  I made some promises to him, if He would only spare his life.  It was touch and go, for what seemed like an eternity.  The doctor let us know that if all goes well, we still will had no idea what affects the fall will have had on his brain, he may have to relearn everything, to walk, talk.  We just had no idea. I remember the haunting thoughts of how this little guy came to earth so perfectly, and under my care he may have struggles that he would have to deal with his entire life.  There was so much fear and guilt.  I can't even express the despair that I felt at that time.    There's a lot more to this story than I am sharing, but I feel I need to get to the part the Lord would have me share today.
There was a story that ran on the news about Bensen, and there was part at the bottom where people could comment.  I browsed through the comments and appreciated the love that so many expressed, many whom we didn't even know.  But, among the offers of prayers and encouragements were a few pretty nasty comments.  At that point I was so broken, and these comments pierced my soul and exponentially magnified my fear.  I remember one person's comments about how CPS should come and take all my children away, that I was obviously not capable of having a new baby when I can't even keep track of my other children.  That sent my heart and mind reeling, my chest began to tighten and my whole body was in a state of fear and anxiety.  It was more than I could bare.  This went on for hours, every time I would try to sooth my fears and rationalize my way out of these comments, the fear grew worse and worse.  The words would play over and over in my mind. My sweet mother was with me and tried to do the best she could to ease my fears, but it was truly more than I could bare.  It was about three in the morning at this point and I knew that I needed my sleep, but it wouldn't come.  Through my tears and anguish I cried out to the Lord.  I asked him to take away the fear and replace it with His grace and His love, I told Him I was ready to be done with it and was giving it to Him.  I knew He could and I knew that He wanted me to be free.  And then came the relief.  My chest relaxed, I could breathe! My mind became clear and peace filled my entire body and soul.  I leaned over to my mom and let her know that I could finally sleep and drifted off into a much needed sleep.

*This memory is a reminder of how theLord can heal.  That nothing is too big for Him.  He is always available to each one of us.   This scripture came into my mind:

        Revelation 3:20  "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."

* This memory is also a reminder about casting stones.  The woman that was mine accuser didn't know me.  She made her comments and probably went on with her day, with not a second thought as to what she had said.  It's a reminder that the darts that we throw out can sting and cause pain that can crush a soul.  Let us pray to realize who our true enemy is.  We are not fighting each other, the enemy is the devil.  When we fight against one another we are fighting for him, we are on his side.  

 Moroni 7:12-13

 12Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God; and that which is evil cometh of the devil; for the devil is an enemy unto God, and fighteth against him continually, and inviteth and enticeth to sin, and to do that which is evil continually.

 13 But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.

There's a great family movie that I recently watched that is all about what the real battle is,  and who we are really fighting-  It's called War Room.  My kids loved it, and I highly recommend it :)     May God be with all of us as we serve Him and each other.  Lots of love, Marie

* interesting side note- I just realized that it was four years ago today that Bensen fell.