#24- Jail- settling in

We are starting to settle into a routine- but there's something inside of me that almost doesn't want to. I don't want to get used to Taylor not being here. I'm going to need to figure out some way to support my family, and that is a huge burden on my mind...I never wanted to play both roles, you know Mom and Dad.  Not that financially supporting our family was the only role that Taylor had, no way. But that is the one that I am having to pick up. 

Everywhere reminds me of Taylor. It almost feels like he is dead...it especially did the first little bit, when I was hardly able to talk to him, or when I did, it was under such duress. 

My heart aches for those that have lost their dear spouses, through divorce, death, apathy or whatever it may be. 

I am constantly reminding myself he will come back...we just have no idea when. What a good and terrible thing. 

Taylor is settling in too. He recently got a tablet, so he can call us more freely and we can also text. That has been nice, and the kids have been able to connect with him alot better too.  There is a draft that comes up behind his bed that leaves him cold at night. He recently got a commissary order that had additional clothing, so he is able to bundle up a bit better. The food stinks and contains a lot of soy. It sounds like that has caused some physical changes in some of the prisoners, that just doesn't sound good. Even with all of this he is in good spirits, I 'm not surprised, he is like that.

I am a happy person by nature, but it has been hard to find joy where it used to be so easy. We talked tonight about how this is the longest, by far, that we have ever been apart. We have been married for 18 years, that's a long time. We laugh that our marriage made it to adulthood. 

 I've gotten used to having him around...