Thursday, October 20, 2016
#6 Unexpected surprises!!
In June life was crazy, just as life seems to be always, for all of us. I was struggling to find time to really sit for a moment, clear my mind, and really commune with my Father in Heaven. There were the quick prayers and the constant consulting with the Lord throughout the day, but I had had some things on my mind and was yearning for some quiet, uninterrupted time that I could really commune with Him, you know, "the prayer closet" sort of prayer. Well I had tried a few evenings that week and each time I would drift off into sleep- it was really getting frustrating! One night I cried to God (literately cried)and said "I really want to talk to you, but I am having a heck of a time staying awake!" I know He knew my heart, and I wasn't feeling guilt about it, but there were some definite things on my mind that I was wanting to talk to Him about. So, that evening (or I should say morning) I was woken up at 3:33 am, and it felt as if it was 9:00 in the morning. I heard the spirit tell me "go pray", and my heart got excited, knowing that this was my uninterrupted chance! It turns out I not only had some things to say, but so did He :). It was, of course a sweet conversation, and towards the end I heard/felt (you know the words that come that are so clear, but seem not quit right when you write them down), "You are going to have a baby". I laughed, because we had been trying for a couple of years to have another baby, with no luck. It was a source of sadness for me, but just recently I was liking the idea of maybe moving past diapers, and car seats, etc. I thought, "I am going to be like 50 when this baby comes! " Well...in September we found out we are going to have another baby! Honestly, I'm relieved the baby is coming before I'm 50, and we are so excited! So.... I guess this is our announcement! We will be welcoming a sweet new baby into our family around May 17th!!!!!! YAY!!
Friday, June 24, 2016
#5 Casting Stones
In June of 2012 our sweet little Fisher was born. He was born via c-section and the surgery went great. My mom was in town to help us transition with our sweet new baby, and we were really grateful. The day after I got home from the hospital my 3-year-old, Bensen, fell from a window in our home and landed on his head. He was life flighted to a nearby hospital where they did a CAT scan and found a large artery which had burst in his brain, they immediately performed surgery. It was terrifying. We had lost a 1 week old baby 3 years before, and we had a keen sense of how fragile life can be. I pled with all my heart to God. I cried out to Him and asked that we could keep our sweet little guy. I made some promises to him, if He would only spare his life. It was touch and go, for what seemed like an eternity. The doctor let us know that if all goes well, we still will had no idea what affects the fall will have had on his brain, he may have to relearn everything, to walk, talk. We just had no idea. I remember the haunting thoughts of how this little guy came to earth so perfectly, and under my care he may have struggles that he would have to deal with his entire life. There was so much fear and guilt. I can't even express the despair that I felt at that time. There's a lot more to this story than I am sharing, but I feel I need to get to the part the Lord would have me share today.
There was a story that ran on the news about Bensen, and there was part at the bottom where people could comment. I browsed through the comments and appreciated the love that so many expressed, many whom we didn't even know. But, among the offers of prayers and encouragements were a few pretty nasty comments. At that point I was so broken, and these comments pierced my soul and exponentially magnified my fear. I remember one person's comments about how CPS should come and take all my children away, that I was obviously not capable of having a new baby when I can't even keep track of my other children. That sent my heart and mind reeling, my chest began to tighten and my whole body was in a state of fear and anxiety. It was more than I could bare. This went on for hours, every time I would try to sooth my fears and rationalize my way out of these comments, the fear grew worse and worse. The words would play over and over in my mind. My sweet mother was with me and tried to do the best she could to ease my fears, but it was truly more than I could bare. It was about three in the morning at this point and I knew that I needed my sleep, but it wouldn't come. Through my tears and anguish I cried out to the Lord. I asked him to take away the fear and replace it with His grace and His love, I told Him I was ready to be done with it and was giving it to Him. I knew He could and I knew that He wanted me to be free. And then came the relief. My chest relaxed, I could breathe! My mind became clear and peace filled my entire body and soul. I leaned over to my mom and let her know that I could finally sleep and drifted off into a much needed sleep.
*This memory is a reminder of how theLord can heal. That nothing is too big for Him. He is always available to each one of us. This scripture came into my mind:
There was a story that ran on the news about Bensen, and there was part at the bottom where people could comment. I browsed through the comments and appreciated the love that so many expressed, many whom we didn't even know. But, among the offers of prayers and encouragements were a few pretty nasty comments. At that point I was so broken, and these comments pierced my soul and exponentially magnified my fear. I remember one person's comments about how CPS should come and take all my children away, that I was obviously not capable of having a new baby when I can't even keep track of my other children. That sent my heart and mind reeling, my chest began to tighten and my whole body was in a state of fear and anxiety. It was more than I could bare. This went on for hours, every time I would try to sooth my fears and rationalize my way out of these comments, the fear grew worse and worse. The words would play over and over in my mind. My sweet mother was with me and tried to do the best she could to ease my fears, but it was truly more than I could bare. It was about three in the morning at this point and I knew that I needed my sleep, but it wouldn't come. Through my tears and anguish I cried out to the Lord. I asked him to take away the fear and replace it with His grace and His love, I told Him I was ready to be done with it and was giving it to Him. I knew He could and I knew that He wanted me to be free. And then came the relief. My chest relaxed, I could breathe! My mind became clear and peace filled my entire body and soul. I leaned over to my mom and let her know that I could finally sleep and drifted off into a much needed sleep.
*This memory is a reminder of how theLord can heal. That nothing is too big for Him. He is always available to each one of us. This scripture came into my mind:
Revelation 3:20 "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."
* This memory is also a reminder about casting stones. The woman that was mine accuser didn't know me. She made her comments and probably went on with her day, with not a second thought as to what she had said. It's a reminder that the darts that we throw out can sting and cause pain that can crush a soul. Let us pray to realize who our true enemy is. We are not fighting each other, the enemy is the devil. When we fight against one another we are fighting for him, we are on his side.
Moroni 7:12-13
12Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God; and that which is evil cometh of the devil; for the devil is an enemy unto God, and fighteth against him continually, and inviteth and enticeth to sin, and to do that which is evil continually.
13 But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.
There's a great family movie that I recently watched that is all about what the real battle is, and who we are really fighting- It's called War Room. My kids loved it, and I highly recommend it :) May God be with all of us as we serve Him and each other. Lots of love, Marie
* interesting side note- I just realized that it was four years ago today that Bensen fell.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
#4 The yelling match
I don't yell at my children. I remember yelling as a kid, and it made me feel out of control- I hated that feeling. Through a lot of help from heaven, I was able to tackle that impulse (which may be a post for another day :)) years ago.
If I were to describe my 3 year old, Fisher, I would have to say a little mischievous, full of personality and full of love. This little kid always has a twinkle in his eye and is usually up to something... He melts my heart and loves to be at my side ALL THE TIME. We are two peas in a pod. I love his company and everything he brings to our family.
Bedtime can be a struggle with this little guy. One particular night he kept coming out of his bed. I told him that if he gets out again I will have to put him in the crib in the other room. This was true punishment for Fisher, not only would he not be in the same room as his siblings, but he would be in a CRIB. I can't think of anything Fisher hates worse than being treated like a baby. He can't stand it. Well... you guessed it... that little boy got out of his bed. SO...I had to do it (I remember wishing that that wasn't the consequence that I had chosen to get him to stay in bed). I picked Fisher up from his Lightening McQueen toddler bed and took him to the other room and put him in the crib. Well, of course my little monkey started to climb out of his crib. So, I gently took his leg and slid it back down into the crib. Over and over again we did this, while he was yelling at the top of his lungs.This continued for way to long, and I was starting to lose my patience. I wasn't quite sure what would keep us from continuing throughout the night this way (he's a pretty determined little guy), and I started to feel like I was running out of options. I finally got the idea that maybe if I yelled back at him he would think I was really serious and stop yelling at me and we could end this craziness!!
I don't think he's ever heard me yell before, and at the least, maybe it would be shocking and he would stop for a minute. So I did it. I yelled at him "DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN I YELL AT YOU, DON'T YELL AT ME!".
It breaks my heart to remember the look on his face when I did this. It didn't work, and that was it, he lost it even more! He screamed how stupid I was and pulled out every other naughty word he could think of. If there was any reasoning to be had with Fisher before,it was gone now. I felt in my heart, as I was yelling, that I shouldn't have done it. I felt out of control, and he was definitely out of control too. My heart broke as I picked my little screaming baby up and just held him. He melted in my arms and we both just cried.
Parenting is hard! Each kid is so different! I want my kids to thrive and be happy. I want them to have boundaries but also be able to free. I want them to trust I will respect them and also know that I expect them to respect me and others. I have been able to learn some great techniques and tricks with parenting (which I'm super grateful for), but sometimes there are those times that you just don't know what to do! I've thought a lot about how we can react in parenting with either love or fear. Love bares fruits of patience, kindness, consistency, selflessness. Fear bares impatience, selfishness, inconsistency, loss of control. Love endures all and is the ultimate teacher. Love doesn't always bring instant conformity, but invites and entices our children to do good. It inspires.
If I were to describe my 3 year old, Fisher, I would have to say a little mischievous, full of personality and full of love. This little kid always has a twinkle in his eye and is usually up to something... He melts my heart and loves to be at my side ALL THE TIME. We are two peas in a pod. I love his company and everything he brings to our family.
Bedtime can be a struggle with this little guy. One particular night he kept coming out of his bed. I told him that if he gets out again I will have to put him in the crib in the other room. This was true punishment for Fisher, not only would he not be in the same room as his siblings, but he would be in a CRIB. I can't think of anything Fisher hates worse than being treated like a baby. He can't stand it. Well... you guessed it... that little boy got out of his bed. SO...I had to do it (I remember wishing that that wasn't the consequence that I had chosen to get him to stay in bed). I picked Fisher up from his Lightening McQueen toddler bed and took him to the other room and put him in the crib. Well, of course my little monkey started to climb out of his crib. So, I gently took his leg and slid it back down into the crib. Over and over again we did this, while he was yelling at the top of his lungs.This continued for way to long, and I was starting to lose my patience. I wasn't quite sure what would keep us from continuing throughout the night this way (he's a pretty determined little guy), and I started to feel like I was running out of options. I finally got the idea that maybe if I yelled back at him he would think I was really serious and stop yelling at me and we could end this craziness!!
I don't think he's ever heard me yell before, and at the least, maybe it would be shocking and he would stop for a minute. So I did it. I yelled at him "DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN I YELL AT YOU, DON'T YELL AT ME!".
It breaks my heart to remember the look on his face when I did this. It didn't work, and that was it, he lost it even more! He screamed how stupid I was and pulled out every other naughty word he could think of. If there was any reasoning to be had with Fisher before,it was gone now. I felt in my heart, as I was yelling, that I shouldn't have done it. I felt out of control, and he was definitely out of control too. My heart broke as I picked my little screaming baby up and just held him. He melted in my arms and we both just cried.
Parenting is hard! Each kid is so different! I want my kids to thrive and be happy. I want them to have boundaries but also be able to free. I want them to trust I will respect them and also know that I expect them to respect me and others. I have been able to learn some great techniques and tricks with parenting (which I'm super grateful for), but sometimes there are those times that you just don't know what to do! I've thought a lot about how we can react in parenting with either love or fear. Love bares fruits of patience, kindness, consistency, selflessness. Fear bares impatience, selfishness, inconsistency, loss of control. Love endures all and is the ultimate teacher. Love doesn't always bring instant conformity, but invites and entices our children to do good. It inspires.
Saturday, April 16, 2016
#3 Power in faith- he cares about her.
I hope this doesn't drive anyone crazy, but I will be jumping around in time to different experiences as I feel I should...so hang on folks!!!
This happened this year, a couple of months ago.
Elise, my oldest, is 10 years old. She's a pretty sensitive soul and has a gentle nature. She was at a friend's home and had seen a video that really bothered her. It was something dumb, like the top 10 disturbing things that kids do, or something like that. Anyway, her and a friend watched this video of a little boy who got up in the middle of the night and went down and sat on the floor in his kitchen with knives placed in a circle all around him. It sounded super creepy and it really terrified her. That night as I was tucking her into bed she told me about this video and just broke down sobbing. She was frantic and terrified. I let her talk for a while, and as she did it seemed to just be getting worse and worse in her mind, she was really starting to lose it-poor thing. Taylor came in and mentioned to her that saying a prayer would help and asked if she believed it would. She knew it would and asked if we would pray for her. So Taylor and I each took turns asking the Lord, with all the love a parent would have in this situation, to bless her and take this fear away from her. When we were done with our prayers he asked her if she would like to pray. She did, and offered up a sweet plea for help to her Father. She got into bed and I turned to help the boys get all tucked into their beds. It was a little while later when I went up to check with her as she lay, content in her bed. I asked her if she was feeling better, this is what she said with tears in her eyes "Mom, I feel so good. I was so upset and I felt something like a huge hug come all over me. I know it was from Jesus. Sometime when I get out of bed to get water, I am afraid that someone will be under my bed and grab my ankles (creepy, right?!), but tonight it was like I had a force field around me. I'm not afraid at all."
When Elise told me about this video, I heard in my mind and heart, that this was an opportunity of opposition. My heart ached that she was experiencing the emotions that she was, but rejoiced in the opportunity for her to experience the power of her Savior. Days after this experience she told me that no one could ever tell her that Jesus doesn't exist, because she felt Him. That testimony will burn in her heart and will add confidence to her faith in the Lord. It's a beginning step of the ladder that each one of us gets to climb as we experience God's power and journey to know Him better. This is truly what life is about. I pray that we can trust in His power and allow God to work on us, in us and through us. That he can refine and purify us.
This happened this year, a couple of months ago.
Elise, my oldest, is 10 years old. She's a pretty sensitive soul and has a gentle nature. She was at a friend's home and had seen a video that really bothered her. It was something dumb, like the top 10 disturbing things that kids do, or something like that. Anyway, her and a friend watched this video of a little boy who got up in the middle of the night and went down and sat on the floor in his kitchen with knives placed in a circle all around him. It sounded super creepy and it really terrified her. That night as I was tucking her into bed she told me about this video and just broke down sobbing. She was frantic and terrified. I let her talk for a while, and as she did it seemed to just be getting worse and worse in her mind, she was really starting to lose it-poor thing. Taylor came in and mentioned to her that saying a prayer would help and asked if she believed it would. She knew it would and asked if we would pray for her. So Taylor and I each took turns asking the Lord, with all the love a parent would have in this situation, to bless her and take this fear away from her. When we were done with our prayers he asked her if she would like to pray. She did, and offered up a sweet plea for help to her Father. She got into bed and I turned to help the boys get all tucked into their beds. It was a little while later when I went up to check with her as she lay, content in her bed. I asked her if she was feeling better, this is what she said with tears in her eyes "Mom, I feel so good. I was so upset and I felt something like a huge hug come all over me. I know it was from Jesus. Sometime when I get out of bed to get water, I am afraid that someone will be under my bed and grab my ankles (creepy, right?!), but tonight it was like I had a force field around me. I'm not afraid at all."
When Elise told me about this video, I heard in my mind and heart, that this was an opportunity of opposition. My heart ached that she was experiencing the emotions that she was, but rejoiced in the opportunity for her to experience the power of her Savior. Days after this experience she told me that no one could ever tell her that Jesus doesn't exist, because she felt Him. That testimony will burn in her heart and will add confidence to her faith in the Lord. It's a beginning step of the ladder that each one of us gets to climb as we experience God's power and journey to know Him better. This is truly what life is about. I pray that we can trust in His power and allow God to work on us, in us and through us. That he can refine and purify us.
Proverbs 25:4
Take away the dross from the silver, and there shall come forth a vessel for the finer.
#2 Where to start....
Where to start.... I'll do a little overview of me and then share some more specifics in other posts.
I am a wife and a mother of four. I love being a mom and can honestly say it is my dream job. I grew up in an incredible family. The biggest problem I have when discussing the matters of the heart is that words usually fall short of what I am trying to express. To say that my family was incredible doesn't even touch what they are to me. I grew up 5th of 8 kids. It was the best place to be- smack dab in the middle. We, of course, have had difficult things and troubles here and there, but our hearts have had a common goal. We love each other. When we get together it's common to find sweet and genuine conversations, card games and laughter, hilarious situations and spiritually uplifting moments. And, my parents....my heart melts just thinking of them. They have been constant and kind, full of love to us and to others. Everything I hope to be, can be centered around who they are to me.
After graduating from High School I went to Ricks College (now BYU-Idaho) and received an associated degree. I attended Boise State University for a couple months after that, and left to serve an LDS mission in Campinas, Brazil. When I got home from my mission I went back to Rexburg, and finished up my Bachelors degree in Child Development at, what was then, BYU-Idaho. The time I spent through college and on my mission was life changing and I'm excited to share and remember some things in later posts. Before my last year of school I married my sweet husband, Taylor, and we had our first baby, Elise, one month before I graduated.
After Taylor graduated from BYU-Idaho we moved around to Utah, back to Idaho, and finally settled in the beautiful state of Washington where we currently live. In Washington we had our sons Bensen, Destin and Fisher. Life has been full of highs and lows, but more importantly it has been full. My experiences have been tailored for me and have created a life that I could have never created for myself. God has a way of doing that, giving us just what we need and then a little more.
I am a wife and a mother of four. I love being a mom and can honestly say it is my dream job. I grew up in an incredible family. The biggest problem I have when discussing the matters of the heart is that words usually fall short of what I am trying to express. To say that my family was incredible doesn't even touch what they are to me. I grew up 5th of 8 kids. It was the best place to be- smack dab in the middle. We, of course, have had difficult things and troubles here and there, but our hearts have had a common goal. We love each other. When we get together it's common to find sweet and genuine conversations, card games and laughter, hilarious situations and spiritually uplifting moments. And, my parents....my heart melts just thinking of them. They have been constant and kind, full of love to us and to others. Everything I hope to be, can be centered around who they are to me.
After graduating from High School I went to Ricks College (now BYU-Idaho) and received an associated degree. I attended Boise State University for a couple months after that, and left to serve an LDS mission in Campinas, Brazil. When I got home from my mission I went back to Rexburg, and finished up my Bachelors degree in Child Development at, what was then, BYU-Idaho. The time I spent through college and on my mission was life changing and I'm excited to share and remember some things in later posts. Before my last year of school I married my sweet husband, Taylor, and we had our first baby, Elise, one month before I graduated.
After Taylor graduated from BYU-Idaho we moved around to Utah, back to Idaho, and finally settled in the beautiful state of Washington where we currently live. In Washington we had our sons Bensen, Destin and Fisher. Life has been full of highs and lows, but more importantly it has been full. My experiences have been tailored for me and have created a life that I could have never created for myself. God has a way of doing that, giving us just what we need and then a little more.
#1 The best part :)
I've been meaning to start a blog for a long time. Honestly, I've been dragging my feet. I'm not a great writer and have wondered if what I could contribute would actually be helpful. So, I guess this is a leap of faith and we will see what happens from here :).
Taylor and I have adopted a saying we use when we have these priceless moments in life, that would maybe be silly to anyone looking in, but define the richness of life that we are experiencing. "This is the best part" is our phrase when our hearts are full and there's just not anything else to say. We may say it when we have overcome financial hurdles, or when a baby falls asleep on our shoulder, or when a kid finally asks instead of hits to have a toy, or when the car breaks down and it's all you can say to not cry... "This is the best part". So this blog is to share some of the "best parts" - Hope you enjoy :)
Did you know:
Taylor and I have adopted a saying we use when we have these priceless moments in life, that would maybe be silly to anyone looking in, but define the richness of life that we are experiencing. "This is the best part" is our phrase when our hearts are full and there's just not anything else to say. We may say it when we have overcome financial hurdles, or when a baby falls asleep on our shoulder, or when a kid finally asks instead of hits to have a toy, or when the car breaks down and it's all you can say to not cry... "This is the best part". So this blog is to share some of the "best parts" - Hope you enjoy :)
Did you know:
"Research in the new discipline of neurocardiology shows that the heart is a sensory organ and a sophisticated center for receiving and processing information. The nervous system within the heart (or “heart brain”) enables it to learn, remember, and make functional decisions independent of the brain’s cerebral cortex. Moreover, numerous experiments have demonstrated that the signals the heart continuously sends to the brain influence the function of higher brain centers involved in perception, cognition, and emotional processing.
In addition to the extensive neural communication network linking the heart with the brain and body, the heart also communicates information to the brain and throughout the body via electromagnetic field interactions. The heart generates the body’s most powerful and most extensive rhythmic electromagnetic field. Compared to the electromagnetic field produced by the brain, the electrical component of the heart’s field is about 60 times greater in amplitude, and permeates every cell in the body. The magnetic component is approximately 5000 times stronger than the brain’s magnetic field and can be detected several feet away from the body with sensitive magnetometers." (http://in5d.com/the-heart-has-its-own-brain-and-consciousness/).
We often try to shield ourselves from feeling. It's hard to be vulnerable. Some of us guard ourselves from truly feeling joy, or maybe the thought of feeling pain keeps us from really processing or experiencing that emotion. Life is rich with emotions and experiences that shape who we are as people and that create depth and fulfillment that this life has to offer. There is beauty in happiness, as there is beauty in sorrow. It's a blessing to feel, to be alive, allowing our hearts to communicate with our minds, and with others around us. Let's not be afraid to live and feel- sometimes those can be "the best parts".
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